Do you know that feeling when something has happened and you suddenly get that fast sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach? And it is so overwhelming that you wish you could turn yourself inside out and hide from the mortification? A burning, all consuming feeling that fuels your anxiety and inner critic? 

Lately, I have been thinking about these sensations of shame, particularly in relation to being ok with others, be that intimate relationships, family or work relationships. It is a familiar feeling I see within my clients as the work becomes deeper. 

What is it exactly?

Shame is a feeling about you as a person; a feeling of inadequacy, worthless (not feeling good enough? Read more here!) or a feeling about not meeting certain standards. It is a powerful emotion that can be debilitating and silence the true you. (You can read another blog about feeling disconnected from life here.) It can increase feelings of fear and anxiety which can lead to feeling lost, stuck or withdrawal from society. It can be felt in the body as an overwhelming sensation in the stomach, shoulders or an uncomfortable feeling all over. 

What is it not?

Shame is often confused with guilt. They can feel incredible similar. However, there is one major differences. Guilt is a feeling induced by something you have done or didn’t do. Shame is about you as a person, not about something you did or didn’t do. And because it is inherently connected to you as a person, the fear of rejection and being devalued as a person is often what can trigger these humiliating feelings.

So what to do about it?

As shame focuses on the Self, it often involves negative thinking spirals and can result in falling into the same relationship problems and behavioural patters, it is important to become aware of these first.

Once shame is met with empathy, it will find a way to change. This can be achieved by sharing it, naming it and talking about it. By learning how to be vulnerable and being witnessed that you are still ok.

The first step.

Finding the right counsellor who can meet you with empathy where you are right now, is paramount. Find someone who sees you for who you are, with all your thoughts, feelings and pain. Feeling connection again, feeling ok with yourself again and building trust in yourself and others is the first step forward.

Remember this:

• You are worthy.
• You are adequate just as you are.
• Your voice will be heard.
• You are welcome here.

Find your voice again!

Do you find yourself in this article and would you like to step out of the debilitating silence and find your own true voice again? 

Contact me today to start your therapy journey together. You are not alone. 

I am looking forward to meeting you.

Eefje

“In a moment of vulnerability, we find our strength. It’s important to acknowledge our feelings and allow ourselves to heal.” 🌱💔

#SelfCompassion.                                                                           #YouAreNotAlone

PS The tattoo says: life on my own terms.