What is it like to feel detached from life?

Feeling detached from life can manifest in lots of different ways. It can build slowly and out of awareness due to the relentless cycle of demands, expectations and not feeling valued, and it is not uncommon to find ourselves feeling numb, detached, completely exhausted and utterly lost.

Understanding the numbness, the detachment and whirlwind of other emotions, is the first step forward as it can stem from factors like burnout, a lack of boundaries or the overwhelming stress of life. 

The experience of numbness. 

Caring too much, feeling too much, brought me to the point of not caring at all. When I realised I didn’t care about the things that were once important to me anymore, I withdrew. I went through the motions of the expectations at work, but I felt flat. I was disengaged from friendships, I didn’t have the energy to do the things I once enjoyed and I lost my spark, including my creative spark which was an integral part of my being.  The ‘be strong’ and ‘try hard’ (as described by Taibi Kahler in TA theory) parts inside me is what kept me going for way too long. Again.

Something deeper, burnout?

This was a signal that something deeper was going on, such as a burnout – a state of physical, emotional but most of all, mental exhaustion by prolonged stress. The mental exhaustion is not just me being lazy or tired; it is a cumulation of a silent predator, chronic stress. Caused by overwhelming responsibilities and expectations. And when there is no compassion from others and you feel not valued, it hits harder, deeper. We can deal with a lot of stress as human beings, we can even thrive on a good amount of it. But when the value, appreciation and meaning disappear, it was impossible to keep up with the stress. 

      Photo by Nima Simyari

Other contributors to becoming detached.

Other contributors to feeling detached, numb, flat and exhausted can be the lack of boundaries. When we have no boundaries around our time and energy and the things we love to do, we risk running on empty to the point of emotional numbness. The societal pressure of always having to be ‘doing’ something, more and more, creates a state of constant alertness in our bodies, which can also lead to a disconnection of our feelings and needs. A feeling of ‘nothing matters anymore’ and becoming detached from life. This lack of boundaries and always having to succeed not only affects our productivity, it will also impact our relationships and our sense of self. Our own worthiness. 

The power of the pen.

A powerful tool that has helped me in those turbulent times to build some understanding of my feelings and myself was journalling. Writing and other expressive ways are effective and proven methods to explore and process emotions and thoughts. It allowed me to express with imagery, pictures and words that I didn’t have inside to express my inner world thoughts. It can help shift through the constant chatter, to externalise complex feelings and to gain an insight in what I was experiencing. There is no right or wrong way to do this. As a visual person, pictures and phrases that ‘spoke’ to me, helped to prompt my own thought process. The key was to let things come out the way they wanted, not having to be perfect or not even to have to make sense. Even the actual motion of writing and being creative is already a great way to calm the nervous system. 

          Photo by Wanli Remlinger

Try these ways of journalling.

If you are interested to try out creative journalling, you could consider these 3 different ways of starting: 

1. Use questions as prompts, like: what does numbness feel like to me? Where in my body do I feel it the most? Where can I give myself 10 minutes to just sit, how would that feel?

2. Use pictures from magazines: if you have any magazines lying around, flick through the pages to see which pictures jump out to you. Do not try to rationalise why, just cut them out and stick them down in your journal. Use these pictures as a prompt to start writing. What did you feel when you saw the picture? What does the picture provoke in you? What does it tell you? What thoughts came up? What do you associate with the picture?

Tip:

In today’s world, you might not have any magazines at home. You could use google to find pictures as well. Sit with yourself and take a few breaths. Focus on the most prominent feeling you feel in this moment. Use that feeling as a search topic. Print out the pictures that speak to you the most and continue as described above. 

3. Using words and phrases that might have come up in the same google search is another way that can help you get started with writing. What do those words mean to you? What feeling do they provoke inside of you? What other thoughts come up when you read them?

Seeking support.

While journaling can be a great tool to develop a better understanding of your inner world and thoughts that might swirl around, it is equally important to seek support through therapy. 

I can help and support you in exploring your feelings. These feelings can help you navigate the nuances of burnout and/or to identify the causes behind you feeling detached from life. 

Together we can explore which areas need tending to, how we can name the feelings you feel, to discover what your values are, which can ultimately help you to establish setting healthy boundaries, to help you recharge and ultimately find a sense of direction again. 

Get into contact or book a counselling session here. Remember, you are setting the first step, which is the hardest and most courageous step. I am looking forward to meeting you. 

Eefje

              Photo by Mark Vletter

“In the vastness of life, we may often find ourselves alone, but there’s a certain grace in that stillness. 🌱🖤 #EmbracingSolitude #TreeOfWisdom #NatureLove”