Finding your voice. Lately, I have come across a quote on social media several times and it has stuck with me as it was related to feeling utterly alone. Quite possibly because of the repetition, but more so because it rang true. For myself and for many of my clients.  The quote is by Carl Jung from Memories, Dreams, and Reflections, chapter “Late Thoughts” (you can read the chapter here):

“Loneliness does not come from having no one around you, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to you.”

I have been pondering what it means to not be able to communicate the things that are important to you and I have come to the conclusion it is about experiencing not feeling (fully) heard, understood, or safe to be yourself. Not being able to fully express yourself.

The process can happen quietly and gradually. When you feel you cannot express yourself fully, you hold things in, whether to keep the peace, to not be ‘too much’ or to protect yourself. And over time, that silence can feel heavy — disconnecting you from others and from your own inner world.

The good news is: you can learn to find your voice; to speak again, gently, in a way that feels safe and empowering.

Why You Might Feel Silenced

Many people who come to counselling share similar experiences.

1. Because of Who You Are

Highly sensitive, intuitive, introverted, neurodivergent, or creative people are often misunderstood. When the world doesn’t “get” you, staying quiet can feel easier than trying to explain your inner life.

2. Because of Social or Cultural Pressure

Some families, workplaces, or communities discourage emotional expression or rewarding “being easy” over being authentic. You may have learned that your truth was inconvenient. So to stay part of the group, you learned to protect yourself. 

3. Because of Childhood or Past Trauma

Critical caregivers, emotional neglect, or unsafe relationships teach your nervous system to stay small. Silence becomes protection, even long after you’re no longer in danger.

Common Signs of Being Silenced

As we are all human beings, we will recognise similar protective behaviours in each other. Here are three struggles I often see that have led to feeling being silenced and not being able to be your true self — and gentle ways to start healing them.

Feeling Invisible or Misunderstood

You might struggle to feel seen, even by people you love. You might have core beliefs that you are not worthy to express your thoughts, feelings and ideas. 

Try:

1. Try quietly acknowledging: “I feel unseen right now.” Recognising the feeling is the first step toward changing it.
2. Using creative or private outlets to reconnect with your inner voice. Express yourself in low-pressure ways like journaling, art, voice notes, poetry, online communities—these create space where your inner world can breathe without fear.
3. Ask for presence, not perfection. Try: “Could you listen for a moment? This is important to me.”Sometimes people simply don’t realise how much you need to be heard.

Fear of Rejection or Conflict

Stating your needs may feel risky, as if honesty could cost you connection. You might stay agreeable to keep others comfortable. Or you avoid disagreements at all costs. 

Try:

1. Practice micro-boundaries.
Small, low-risk statements like “I’d prefer this.” “I’m not available today.” These build confidence over time.

2. Reframe conflict as communication—not danger. Differences don’t equal rejection. Two people can disagree and remain connected.

3. Seek out emotionally safe people. Notice who listens without defensiveness or judgment. Spend more time in spaces that welcome authenticity.

Silencing Yourself Before You Even Speak

You dismiss your own thoughts before saying them aloud. You might think “I’m too sensitive,” “I sound stupid,” or “No one cares.” You struggle to trust your feelings or perceptions.

Try:

1. Ask: “Whose voice is this really?” Or ‘’Is this thought truth?”
Often the inner critic echoes someone from your past—a parent, teacher, or caregiver.
Recognising that it’s not you begins to loosen its grip.

2. Support your nervous system.
Somatic tools—slow breathing, grounding, feeling your feet on the floor—help your body stay regulated, so your voice can emerge.

3. Celebrate tiny moments of speaking up.
Every micro-expression counts: Asking a question. Saying no. Sharing a preference. Affirm it: “That mattered. I’m proud of that.”

How Trauma-Informed Counselling Helps You Find Your Voice

In therapy, you don’t have to perform, hide, or minimise yourself. You can simply be you — at your own pace.

My approach is grounded in trauma-informed, somatic and relational practices. Which means that it can help you build understanding why your voice went quiet, with compassion, not blame. 

It will support your body’s responses. Often when we experience a thought or a feeling, our body will immediately react, or, your body might know before your mind does. We can learn how your body has tried to protect you – the tight throat, the tense jaw, the frozen feelings. 

Therapy can help you recognise the signs and to help your body relax again, so speaking becomes safer and steadier. 

The therapy will also offer a consistent, attuned relationship where your thoughts, needs and emotions are welcomed. It will be a place for you where you can finally rest, be heard and be seen for who you really are and always were underneath the chaos. 

You Deserve to Be Heard

You don’t have to stay small.
You don’t have to silence the parts of you that feel too tender or too much.
Your voice matters and it can be reclaimed gently, one step at a time.

If you’d like support in finding your voice, healing from emotional or childhood trauma, or feeling safe to be yourself, I’m here to help.

Eefje

“In the stillness, we find strength. Even in the darkest rooms, our stories matter.” #FindingStrength #SilentBattles

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Photos by Matthew Henry