Setting healthy boundaries with yourself foremost, will support you to live a more balanced life and equip you to deal with and relieve stress and anxiety.

Setting healthy boundaries, we have heard it so many times before. Everyday we encounter huge amounts of information, advice, explanations and quick fixes. However, when the space around us is lost and we cannot see below the noise of the world anymore, you might find yourself stuck, frustrated with how we are or how we are living and have lost our way. We are left feeling exhausted, stressed and anxious, which can lead to burnout. Consequently, this often leads us to struggle to see a future where we can make the changes that we need within ourselves, our relationships and our work.

What are boundaries?

Boundaries are similar to a protective barrier. This makes me think back to explaining what perimeter is to children. It is the fence around the field as you do not want the horse to escape or to get hurt. So our boundary with ourselves is like this perimeter, that helps us to figure out what we will and will not accept in our lives (the field, or meadow). It helps us to define our needs, values and priorities. It can help you with making decisions, it will influence your behaviour and is so incredibly important in maintaining our mental and emotional wellbeing. There are different forms of boundaries; they can be physical, emotional or digital. They all define how we relate to other and ourselves. Boundaries is like a mechanism that protects our wellbeing and strengthens our sense of safety.

Different types of healthy boundaries:

1. Physical boundaries are boundaries that protects your personal space and sets rules around physical touch. 
2. Emotional boundaries are boundaries that helps with protecting your feelings and emotional health. 
3. Time boundaries help with allocating and valuing your time, avoiding overcommitting or doing something you really do not want to do.
4. Digital boundaries are there to help you manage your online presence and interactions.

Why do we have to start with ourselves?

It does start with setting boundaries with yourself as we can only control our own actions and behaviour.

Setting healthy boundaries is a skill that is vital in todays world. It can help you with relieving stress, be clearer with your communication, foster better relationships and ultimately help you with not getting in a burnout by our world that constantly demands our attention and energy.

Shift from suffering to caring.

Our suffering and recurring personal and emotional issues we all experience in our daily lives, often lack boundaries. Think of it as a way of looking after ourselves, holistically, which takes in account how we eat, sleep, exercise, communicate, treat others. This will cause us to think about what we need. A way of being kind to ourselves, to look after ourselves, before we look after those around us. Counselling can help to figure out where your need is most urgent, how to attend to those needs by learning about your own boundaries. 

Focus inward

Focusing inward can help with figuring out what it is that we need and where you need to set healthy boundaries. Journalling can be a powerful tool to support you on this journey and can lead to the change that you are looking for:

• Get more clarity; as mentioned, boundaries helps with clarifying what it is that we need, our values, priorities and goals. These allow you to make choices that start to correspond with who you truly are, rather than getting swamped by the faced paced world with expectations and obligations.
• Get more energy by recognising your limits. This could be a boundary around how much work you take on, how late you stay up or how often you say yes to yet another night out. You can protect that energy for what is really important to you. It will also help you to recharge and reconnect with yourself. 
• Get more agency over your own life. When the focus is on your own needs, you create more space for joy, creativity and real connection. You do not need to feel like your life is passing by without taking part in it, instead, you will find yourself getting more intentional with everything that you do. 

What are other benefits of setting boundaries?

Setting boundaries not only improves our own mental and emotional wellbeing, but will filter into our external world as well. That can be at work, with your relationships, spouse or children. 

It can help to reduce stress as you will learn to clearly communicate your limits and needs, which will alleviate overwhelm and anxiety. When you communicate clearly, you also reduce the risk of being misunderstood. Others will exactly know what to expect from you and you will now what you can expect from them, it create mutual respect. Overextending yourself; staying up too late, saying yes to another project, helping out another person again, will lead to exhaustion. Setting boundaries ensure that you prioritise yourself and your limits, preventing burn out. 

Five steps to setting healthy boundaries with yourself. 

1. Self reflect. Journalling is a great way to reflect on yourself, your relationships and your world. Identify what areas are feeling overwhelming at this moment or where you feel taken for granted. Understand where your limit is and your need.
2. Communicate clearly. Firstly with yourself. Be honest about your limits. Write them down, speak it out loud, practice to reinforce them. Remember, it is ok to say no to what doesn’t fit with your boundary. It is not a weakness to have limits, but a powerful tool to reclaim yourself. When you are ready, you can communicate your boundaries with others, be clear and assertively to express your feelings and what you need.
3. Be consistent and start small. Consistency is the key in maintaining your boundary. It is like going to the gym and trying to lift heavier weights. You need to practice before you can pick up that 15kg weight. It is the same with your boundaries. It can feel daunting as it will rattle what you are familiar with. Start by implementing small boundaries, such as limiting your digital time on your phone and gradually build from there. If you set a boundary, stick to it. It reinforces your commitment to yourself and teaches others to respect your limits.
4. Be kind. Remember that setting boundaries is a form of self care. It is a process. to relieve stress and anxiety and prevent burnout. There will be days when you slip into old habits. Just like some days in the gym are harder than others. Address yourself with kindness and understanding; it is ok to reassess and adjust your boundaries as needed. That is also a boundary! Make space for activities and people that give you joy and respect your needs.
5. Seek support. Some people around you might resist and push against your boundaries. No one likes changes. Stand firm and remind yourself that your needs are important, valid and worthy. If you are struggling with setting boundaries or the push back that you experience, consider talking to friends, family or a counsellor. Sharing your goals with others can provide accountability and support.

Conclusion

Setting boundaries is a process. Embrace the journey. It will take time. It is a commitment to living fuller and happier. As you begin to clarify what you need, reclaim your energy, and allow yourself to be fully present amongst your limits, you will find you have much more to offer to those around you as well. Be kind a loving to yourself, it is the foundation of a grounded, authentic person, from which all else will follow. So take that first step to learn how to set healthy boundaries!

Final note.

If taking that first step along feels utterly daunting, reach out. You can email me here or book a session here. I can help you with making sense of yourself so that you can start to make sense of your world. Together we can look at the personal and emotional issues you are experiencing and explore the needs and values that are important to you. 

Eefje

“In the shadows of our thoughts lies the power of our voice. Remember, boundaries create the space for authenticity. “✨📖 #VoiceYourTruth #MentalWellness #JournalingJourney